Tomorrow I talk with the doctors that have been taking care of Gwen. When they changed her pump, she did not do too well. She backslid all the way back to 100% on everything, and they are not expecting her to live past Monday. I fear that tomorrow they will start talking about taking her off life support. They did another echo of the heart this morning, and the hypertension in her lungs is still very high. She so very swollen, and they can't seem to get it down. Even though earlier today they were able to wean her down on the oxygen to about 80%, I think Gwen has fought all she can fight. I've been trying to stay positive, telling myself that we would be taking her home but I honestly don't believe so anymore. My poor little baby girl just won't respond to the medicines they've given her for the hypertension. Her lungs just won't work right.
This has been the hardest two weeks I've ever had to face. I never knew that you could love someone so much it hurts, but you can. Oh God, I want to take her home. I want to take her home alive, and happy. How does one decide whether to take a loved one off of life support? I don't know if I could do it; but I don't want my little girl to suffer. I know that there is still time, but medically speaking it would take a miracle for Gwen to get better. And I don't think I'm going to get that miracle, my baby has fought all she can fight. Today she had tears just streaming down her face, and thats something that she's never done before. She's never cried before. I think, I really do think, she's just tired of fighting. Its not fair, that such a innocent little baby should have to go through this. It's not fair at all.
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